Emotional Rollercoaster

This entire experience is a constant up and down of emotions.  One minute, I'm feeling pretty good because we've had a successful dose increase followed by two uneventful weeks of home dosing.  The next minute, I'm stressed, scared, and worried about my child.  By the time we got home from his dose increase yesterday, his upper lip was very red and maybe a tad puffy, his nose was running profusely, and his chest sounded congested.  I couldn't tell if it was from the virus he has had for the past week, an allergic reaction, or possibly some combination of the two.  All I knew was that dose time was looming ahead of us, and I was terrified to do it.  

So again, I have to sing the praises of the amazing Dr. M.  I hated to bother him, but I decided to text him and explain that, and he immediately responded that I should give him Benadryl, put him to bed, and wait until morning to dose him again.  I was immediately relieved.  There is no way I could have slept last night with the anxiety it was all causing me.  I hope Dr. M. knows how much his simple texts can put a worried mama's mind at ease.  He really is a gift to the medical field and to people with allergies and asthma.  

We got up at 6am this morning to get Sean's dose in him a good two hours before his school day started.  We've been doing it everyday, so it is part of the routine now.  One of the first things he said this morning was, "It's so good to feel good again!"  I asked him if he felt sick the night before, and he told me yes, but I couldn't get him to elaborate.  Then we dosed him, and I watched him begin to resemble the way he looked the night before.  Red lip, watery eyes, runny nose, and just looking sickly.  You could just tell he didn't feel well.  Some of it was from being tired, some of it was from being sick, but I know that some of it was from ingesting his allergen.  Just in case, I gave him a dose of Benadryl before he went off to preschool.  

I called about 45 minutes into Sean's school day to check on him, and his teacher told me he was doing just fine.  Thank goodness, because I literally could not focus on my work until I knew he was okay.  My coworkers probably hated me because when I get anxious, I struggle to stay on one task and bounce around from one thing to the next, forget what I'm doing in the middle of a task, and simply can not concentrate.  I'm sure I was slowing down the work flow until I got that confirmation that he wasn't in danger.  It's amazing the power our babies can have over us, and it's equally depressing the power these allergies can have over us.  But not forever, I hope!  This morning when I was overly stressed out about it I asked my husband, "Why am I doing this to myself?"  His reply was, "It's not what you're doing to yourself.  It's what you're doing for him."  Those are my words to live by.  All of this stress, worry, anxiety, and fear will be worth it in the long run if it affords my son a better quality of life.