Saturday, August 17, 2013

Scared of the Future

Today was Sean's last day of the steroid he was given for his allergic reaction on Wednesday.  I've spoken to Dr. M. a few times since that incident, and he thinks it would be best if I started Sean on a daily dose of Zyrtec.  I know if he's going to have an anaphylactic reaction, an antihistamine is not going to stop it, but I think I'll feel better about some of the minor to moderate signs of reaction if he has a daily basal level of antihistamine in his system.  We started the Zyrtec today, and now as the steroid wears off, I am scared of how he will tolerate his doses.  I am scared that he still will not be able to tolerate this dose and that he will continue to have terrifying reactions.  I'm scared that he will fail this treatment.  It's clear that an incredibly small amount of peanut (5mg peanut flour) can lead to a strong reaction from him.  I'm scared of the obstacles that lie ahead for him, whether in OIT or in life without OIT.

We were supposed to visit Dr. M. on August 22nd for the next dose increase, but that is not happening now, and I'm thankful for that.  His little body needs time to adjust to reacting to his allergen without the help of a steroid, and he just needs some time to adapt before we increase it again.  This puts us at potentially increasing his dose again on September 5th, which just happens to be the day after he starts preschool.  He's doing a Monday, Wednesday, Friday half-day preschool, but it's safe to say I will be a nervous wreck the whole time he is in the care of someone else.  I would have been a nervous wreck anyway, even without the whole crappy allergy thing, but this just makes it not even enjoyable in the least.  I'm supposed to have the normal fears of a mama-bear, while still being able to feel the excitement for all the new things my son will learn, and for the new friends he will make.  Instead, I am just living in constant fear that something horrible will happen to him.  I desperately hope this gets easier.  

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